last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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