at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
