Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
