I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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