do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
