so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
