I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
