she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
