I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
