I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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