i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
