if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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