can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
