My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
