those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You're like the curious george of whores
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
