I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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