Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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