Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
