best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
