did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
