Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
