how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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