sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
