I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
