dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
