you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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