You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
