I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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