i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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