Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
if i can run in heels then i can drive
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
