Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
