Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
