First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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