Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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