I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
