I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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