Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The uberlube is also flammable
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
