I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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