Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
