is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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