I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
