I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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