Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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