All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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