You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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