so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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