Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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