the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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