and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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