Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
