You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
