Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Randomize
